Not everyone can be perfect like us, riiiiiight??
All kidding aside, we have people in our lives that just get under our skin for one reason or another. It might be the way they talk to us, what their views on life are, or that they are judgmental or only think about themselves.
Whatever the reason, it’s an awful feeling inside to have to be around them. Sometimes we can help being around them and other times we cannot. We might try and change them but it seems like we’re just beating our heads against a wall.
At the end of the day and no matter what we do it just seems like we can’t escape the frustration, anger, and annoyance of being around them. Clearly there’s got to be a better way around this and fortunately there is! In today’s podcast I’m going to show you 4 ways (I’ll share the 4th way in the podcast!) to be at peace with anyone (especially those that bug us)!
1. Spend Less Time With Them
This might seem like an obvious thing to do but often times we wind up being with them out of guilt or because we think we “have to be with them”. I find myself in this situation from time to time with certain family members. On the one hand I prefer to not be with them (for whatever reason) but there’s that obligation (or at least perceived obligation).
However, we have a bigger obligation and that’s an obligation to ourselves. Saying No to being around someone that doesn’t treat us well is saying Yes to ourselves. Instead of looking at it as rejecting that person, look at it as accepting yourself! You don’t even have to make up any stories about not seeing them. Simply tell them, “today isn’t going to work out for me.”.
Spending less time with them will give you the breathing room you need. Sometimes there is no getting away from certain people but the next time you do it simply out of obligation ask yourself who’s obligation you’re meeting.
2. Find The Peace You Seek In Yourself
One recent morning I came to realize the following:
The peace we seek in trying to change another is actually found in letting them be. [Tweet This!]
I realized that all of my attention was focused on changing someone that annoyed the heck out of me! My feelings would get the best of me and I would act passive aggressive, sarcastic, and could feel the tension in my body when I was around them.
In all my efforts to try and get this person to change their ways and see things my way I would be the one left feeling deflated, defeated, and plain old tired! It was exhausting yet I still wanted to be with this person I loved.
Then it occurred to me – I didn’t need to make them change. I could generate the peace I was looking for all on my own. I simply needed to let that person be who they were. Does that mean I have to let them be rude to me? No. Does that mean I need to agree with everything they say? No. What it does mean is that I get to be separate from who they are. I get to let them have their own reality with all of their own thoughts and feelings and still just be with them.
Just like what they say, think or do has no reflection on who they are – what they say, think or do has no reflection on who I am. Once I found this ability to detach in this way I was able to be with them. It brought me great peace. Does that mean I’m going to go out of my way to be with them? No, but it means that when I do decide to be with them I can do so in peace.
3. Find Compassion in The Absence of Judgement
It’s easy to judge another person. In fact, it’s so easy that we don’t even realize when we’re doing it the vast majority of the time. There are many things we can take as issue with judging another but probably the most important is that we actually wind up abandoning ourselves.
How’s that? Well, at the core of our nature is compassion. We can’t have compassion when we judge another so we’re literally shutting part of ourselves down to do this. Not only is expressing compassion in our nature but it allows us to see the goodness in others, even when they can’t. It allows us to serve them in a time when they are likely suffering greatly. It also allows us to have a gentle, tender, and loving place for ourselves in the whole process.
Judging another does nothing to help support that person, it doesn’t allow us to see who they truly are, and it leaves us feeling uncomfortable and in unrest.
Listen to the podcast now to hear a 4th tip you can use to help be at peace with anyone!
This isn’t an easy process and it does take practice but isn’t that the cool part about life, that we can practice? Life isn’t about getting it right all the time. However, if we have the right tools to be mindful about what’s happening inside of ourselves than we can choose the best way to respond.