Ep. 23: How to Overcome Rejection Once and for All!

Last week I auditioned for TEDx. If you hadn’t read that post or listened to episode 22 of The I Simply Am Podcast I highly encourage you to do so. In fact you probably should now as this episode is kind of a spoiler alert!

If you’re still reading I’m assuming you either read the last post or listened to last weeks podcast or you’re okay with finding out what the deal is all about! Well, the reason I’m even talking about rejection this week is because this is exactly what I had to face. Unfortunately, my topic was not a fit for the theme of this years TEDx in Monterey, CA.

As you can imagine I had some feelings about this but more importantly it was a tremendous learning experience for me. That’s exactly why I’m actually excited to be sharing this weeks podcast with you! If you’d like to listen in and find out all the details do so now! Otherwise, read on for the show notes…

In this weeks podcast I share with you 4 main themes that play into rejection and by the end you’ll see, as I have, that we simply can’t be rejected. You’ll also gain some practical tips for grappling with all those feelings and allow yourself to move forward with great drive!

Shame

Shame is a scary thing actually as it’s one of those evils that’s seemed to creep its way into our lives. Most of the time we don’t even realize it’s in our life which is what makes it so dangerous. For me, shame is any type of messaging we either tell ourselves or hear from something/someone outside of ourself that infers we are less than who we are. Thoughts of not good enough, not attractive enough, not intelligent enough, and not lovable enough are all examples of shame. Of course, when we’re in situations where we think we’re rejected those thoughts can easily creep into our head.

I’ve been at this personal development stuff for some time now and those thoughts still pop up into my head. In fact, they did after I found out that I wouldn’t be talking at TEDx. The difference is that I know where those thoughts came from, I know they’re simply not true, and they lasted about 2 seconds before I kicked them to the curb.

The fact that my topic didn’t line up exactly as TEDx would have liked it for this years theme has NOTHING to do with the power of my message, my ability to present it, or whether or not I’m good enough to be even writing this post or doing the podcast. Shame is NEVER right and when these messages creep into your head, especially after rejection shows up, it’s a queue to know it’s total bull!

Emotional Loss

An interesting emotion came up for me after I received word about TEDx. It was a feeling of loss and emptiness. Is that shame again showing up not only in my thoughts but my feelings too? You’re darn right it is! How do I know? Because, how can I feel loss for something I never had? It’s not like I was invited to speak at TEDx and then they suddenly took it away. Even if that was the case, it was still nothing I had as it hadn’t happened.

Furthermore, I’m whole…I was born whole and I’m still whole. Any feeling of emptiness is obviously shames way of keeping me down and that’s just not going to work for me. We all know our thoughts can try and wreak havoc on our success in life and this common feeling during rejection is yet another tricky way shame tries to get in our way.

Remember, you create your own feelings which means two things. First, they can never become bigger than you (it’s in your head) and two, you are not defined by them. You were all of the wonderful qualities you are today before you even had your first feelings.

Unrejectable (yes, I know this isn’t a word)

You can’t reject me, you can only reject what I do, and I am not what I do. [TWEET THIS]

Remember that shame thing I was just talking about? Yea, well when we were little someone or something did a darn good job of convincing us we were something other than who we really are. That’s the power of shame. If we couldn’t know that we were enough simply by waking up in the morning we had to find all kinds of ways to define ourselves.

We turned to what we do to define who we were. We looked for job titles, college degrees, awards, acknowledgements, winning, being the best at, doing it faster, making more money, buying “nicer” things, and the list goes on and on. We’ve literally turned from Human Beings into Human Doings.

If we can acknowledge that shame has convinced us we need to turn to the outside to define who we are then we can also acknowledge that the truth is that we are not defined by those things. It means we are not products of what we do just like we’re not products of what we think or even feel. That is why you can’t be rejected. You’re unrejectable!

Attention on Intention

If I placed all my focus on the outcome, as we often do, then I would be in big trouble! In other words, if my focus was only on making it to TEDx then I’d be done at this point. If I bought into the fact that my topic wasn’t picked and shame quickly followed then I’d quit.

But my attention is on my intention and not the outcome. That means I get to focus on my intention of sharing my message with the world knowing that might be in the form of a TED talk or in a million other forms. Because I’m not focused (only) on the outcome I’m allowing for my intention to manifest in limitless ways. I may not know what the outcome is supposed to look like and that’s okay because my focus is on my intention.

It also allows me to continue moving forward because again, outcome is just a small factor in my drive.

Surrender to expectations and let intention guide you! [TWEET THIS]

And guess what? Because I am placing my attention on my intention I can celebrate that in fact I did exactly what I set out to do! No, it might not have looked like I thought it would (outcome) but I definitely succeeded at manifesting my intention. How? TED is all about sharing ideas and I shared my idea with 25 other people during that audition. I did it!

So the next time you think you’re being rejected see how fast shame shows up, check yourself when you start confusing who you are with what you think and feel and remember you are unrejectable!!

Weekly Challenge

1. Notice this week when rejection shows up. It may be a boss rejecting your idea or even something as simple as a spouse not liking your idea about the way you want something. Rejection shows up in all forms not just those big events.

2. Remind yourself what your intention is. What’s your cause, your mission…allow yourself to consider that the outcome may be even greater than you originally thought.

3. Affirm that you can’t be rejected because you are not what you do! This is a hard one but with constant reminders it will ring true.